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Archive for January, 2014

Eject! Eject! #2/2014

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I have a five slot CD player in my car. I’ve discovered that it was easier to quick change a CD when I only had a single slot player, so I find that I don’t change the CDs very often, sometimes not for months at a time. There is one CD that I hadn’t changed since I first inserted it seven year ago. Seven years! I kept telling myself it was because I like the music so much, and I do, but I know there is a much deeper reason.

The CD comes from my late ex-husband’s collection. My son suggested I would like it and gave it to me soon after my husband died in 2006. I did like it. In fact, I loved it! I came to realize that almost every song spoke to some important aspect of my life that I was experiencing back then. It was a very bitter-sweet time. I had just lost my job. The following month I lost my ex-husband in a motorcycle accident. Besides feeling guilty for having left him, I was also feeling guilty for having met a new romantic partner and allowing that joy into my life.

Some of the songs spoke of hope, but mostly they mirrored my pain. I played it every time I drove. Over and over and over again. It became my daily “fix.” Gradually, of course, I listened to it less and less. I still loved the CD, but didn’t need to hear it all the time. It wasn’t until a few days ago that it struck me how significant it was that I had not removed that CD from slot number one in seven years. Each time I thought about removing it, I was shocked to find myself reduced to tears. I actually felt as though, if I removed the CD, I would be losing a part of myself. Clearly, something still needed to be healed.

What was I holding on to? When I asked Holy Spirit to look at this with me, I was shown that I was holding on to “my story.” I could have aptly called it, Lady Sings the Blues. And, I was loathe to let it go. I can see now that listening to that CD kept my story alive – kept it “real.” I mistakenly thought that it kept me connected to the love I still hold for my ex-husband, but all it really did is keep me connected to my pain. Why was I so afraid to let it go?

 A Course in Miracles, promises me a life of eternal happiness and peace if I am willing to “trust.” I guess the issue isn’t so much a lack of trust, but rather, a question of what do I trust more. Will I listen to the ego telling me that I am a separate body named Paula with a personal (sometimes painful) story to tell that makes me “special”, or will I trust in God’s promise of everlasting joy, if I am willing to release this illusion of individuality?

I’m not sure.

I guess I still don’t trust my true identity, as One with God, enough to be able to let go of my false one. However, I do trust that, eventually, I will. Today, I proved it.

 I finally pushed the “EJECT” button.

Let your spirit soar!
Paula
             

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Think God #1/2014

Before I fall asleep at night, I often find myself mentally reviewing my day. Although I think of myself as a loving person, I have become acutely aware of just how often my thoughts are filled with worry and judgment instead of love. Eventually I let my worries go long enough to remember to thank God for his loving guidance throughout the day, in spite of my resistance to following it. A daily inspirational message that I received from Pathways of Light, reminds me to not only thank God, but to think God. I found it very helpful and include it here in its entirety.

Message:
“Practice but this today; repeat God’s Name slowly again and still
again. Become oblivious to every name but His. Hear nothing else. Let all
your thoughts become anchored on this. …And then God’s Name becomes our
only thought, our only word, the only thing that occupies our minds, the
only wish we have, the only sound with any meaning, and the only Name of
everything that we desire to see; of everything that we would call our
own.” (W-pI.183.6:1-4, 6)

Past everyone and everything is God… Past every form the ego made to blind
us is God… Past all sight of differences is God… What blessings come as
we practice this holy remembering that only Love is there… only Love is
everywhere.

Our sense of well-being and gratitude is filled to the brim as we join our
Father by remembering the truth. When we think God, we think Love. In this
remembrance we see a world of Love. We feel God’s peace. Our hearts are
filled with joy.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. http://www.pathwaysoflight.org.

Let your spirit soar!
Paula

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