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Archive for February, 2015

My blog is late this week because I needed to more deeply process what I had begun writing about.

I was writing about the different personality traits of the many memory impaired seniors I work with: the one who is extremely opinionated and snobbish; the one who’s facial expression and whole body are so contracted in fear that she can only move forward in tiny, timid steps with someone pulling her along; the one who feels rejected if I don’t kiss her cheek each time I arrive, and again upon leaving . . . and so on.

I find myself very upset by these behaviors. I realize that they are so disturbing to me because they reflect unhealed aspects within myself. In the movie Sybil, Sally Field portrays a woman with multiple personality disorder. Her treatment requires her to become aware of – to acknowledge – those seemingly separated aspects of herself, take them back, and love them.

Until today, I think I thought that owning these behaviors within myself somehow meant that I was condoning or, even worse, admitting that I am those behaviors – that I am a judgmental, fearful, needy person too. But, now I get it. By loving and reclaiming those parts of myself and seeing us as One, those behaviors dissolve. If I am whole and complete – not separate from anyone or anything – then there is no one and nothing outside myself to judge, to fear, or to need!

I sit weeping with joy as I write. After years of study, I am finally starting to understand what Oneness means. What helped me was a recent new practice of mine. Each time I feel even the slightest annoyance towards anyone, I try to remember to tell myself, Don’t judge. JOIN! Quite often, I am able to instantly see past the behavior I am judging and connect with the love that was hidden underneath my own fear and extend it to that person. The wave of peace I experience is amazing.

This is the choice available to each of us in every moment. We can judge . . . or join.

Let your spirit soar!
Paula

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What Will it Take #3/2015

The other day, at the assisted living facility where I work, one of the memory impaired residents entered a room and closed the door. The problem was, it wasn’t her room. When the housekeeper pointed out her mistake, the resident became belligerent and locked the door.

From the common living room where I was giving a presentation, I could watch what was going on. None of the staff, nor her grown daughter who had been called in, were having any luck convincing her that that room was not her home. Because they were being gentle and trying not to further confuse or frighten her, when I left a half hour later, the problem still had not been resolved.

On my ride home, I began thinking how perfectly that situation mirrors what I am experiencing as I study A Course in Miracles. The Course tells me repeatedly that this body that I believe I reside in is not my true home. That my true home is at one with God in Spirit – not in the world of form. It teaches this slowly and gently through 365 daily lessons so as not to overwhelm or frighten me.

As much as I swear I want to know and live the truth, my defenses go up and I dig in my heels. This body must be my home! I can see it, feel it, touch it. I can attack with it or be attacked. I have to protect it. I have to feed it. I experience pain with it . . . On and on it goes – the Course reminding me of the truth, and me inventing one scenario after another to disprove it – afraid to let go of the image I have made – unwilling to admit I might be wrong.

I wonder what it finally took to convince that woman that the territory she was so staunchly defending was not her home.

I wonder what it will take to convince me.

Let your spirit soar!

Paula

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