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Archive for February 24th, 2015

My blog is late this week because I needed to more deeply process what I had begun writing about.

I was writing about the different personality traits of the many memory impaired seniors I work with: the one who is extremely opinionated and snobbish; the one who’s facial expression and whole body are so contracted in fear that she can only move forward in tiny, timid steps with someone pulling her along; the one who feels rejected if I don’t kiss her cheek each time I arrive, and again upon leaving . . . and so on.

I find myself very upset by these behaviors. I realize that they are so disturbing to me because they reflect unhealed aspects within myself. In the movie Sybil, Sally Field portrays a woman with multiple personality disorder. Her treatment requires her to become aware of – to acknowledge – those seemingly separated aspects of herself, take them back, and love them.

Until today, I think I thought that owning these behaviors within myself somehow meant that I was condoning or, even worse, admitting that I am those behaviors – that I am a judgmental, fearful, needy person too. But, now I get it. By loving and reclaiming those parts of myself and seeing us as One, those behaviors dissolve. If I am whole and complete – not separate from anyone or anything – then there is no one and nothing outside myself to judge, to fear, or to need!

I sit weeping with joy as I write. After years of study, I am finally starting to understand what Oneness means. What helped me was a recent new practice of mine. Each time I feel even the slightest annoyance towards anyone, I try to remember to tell myself, Don’t judge. JOIN! Quite often, I am able to instantly see past the behavior I am judging and connect with the love that was hidden underneath my own fear and extend it to that person. The wave of peace I experience is amazing.

This is the choice available to each of us in every moment. We can judge . . . or join.

Let your spirit soar!
Paula

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